Remember the important things..

This morning I spent an hour just with Jackson.. Charlotte was crashed and I just really soaked in his big squeezy cuddles, his big smile and his gorgeous nature. I looked at him and felt so thankful for such a gorgeous, precious little man. I was thinking about my darling daughter, how she always cracks me up with her cheeky funny personality. How she always brings a smile to my face. I thought about how much I love her and how much I just love my family.

It wasnt long after I was thinking about how lucky I am that I got a text, letting me know that a family we know has lost yet another family member in again tragic circumstances :(

It made me realise, even more than ever.. that life is so precious. You need to enjoy every moment - you need to really enjoy your children, love them and tell them at every chance that you do.

You need to never go to bed angry. You need to forgive.

You need to set a good example and be a good person.

You just need to make this world a better place by being in it.

20's Yesterday, 30's Today

Its funny last night I was lying in bed thinking about how i'll be thirty in a few minutes. I remember a few months ago thinking how scary this is and how I wasn't at all keen on it. But you know what - last night as I watched the clock turn to 12 I couldn't help but smile. Turning 30 made me feel happy!

20's had its up's and downs - I had such high high's and such low low's.

At the beginning of 20 I was a new(ish) married girl working full time but wasn't overly happy, at the end of 20 I was a woman, a fully qualified wife and also a mother of 2 precious children working 24 hrs a day!

I have travelled, not as much as i'd like but I still have. I have seen places i've dreamed of seeing since I was a child. I've seen the bright lights of vegas and the photographed the hollywood sign. I've taken in the beauty of yosemite national park and driven over the golden gate bridge in a leaky bus. I've been in the crowd watching the ice hockey where the mighty ducks won a game they weren't expected to and i've yelled 'quack quack quack'.. i've cheered on the lakers. I've spotted Denzel Washington in a crowd of thousands.

I've been in labour for 30 hours, pregnant for 20 months and have changed more nappies than I could ever count. I've met more specialists than i'd ever care to, but at the same time met the most beautiful people I wouldn't otherwise meet.

I've had my heart broken into a million pieces and managed to pick them all back up.. on more than one occassion.
I've smiled and laughed when I wanted to scream, and kept going when everyone else wouldn't blame me if I gave up.

I've watched 2 precious babies grow inside my tummy, i've watched them take their first breaths, take their first steps and say their first words.

I've grown more in love with my gorgeous husband, each and every single day.

I've lost friends, i've gained friends.. I've had friends stick by me, and others get up and leave.

I've been involved with church, i've left 2 churches and i've been hurt deeply by church members.. heck i've even hung up on the pastor!

I've grown, inside and out. (shame not up!)

I've lost weight, i've gained weight. I've had long hair and short. I've had dark, blonde and red hair - all over the past 12 months!

But in the end everything that has happened has made me .. me.

So the last 10 years have shaped me to who and what I am today..

I am stronger
I am able
I am me

What gets me through tough times

Lately, more than ever I seem to be going through some pretty tough times. I find myself at night unable to sleep simply because my head keeps spinning around.. thinking.. wondering.. trying to understand.. Why is this happening? What could the diagnosis be? What will the future hold?

Sometimes I just need a gentle reminder that things are going to be ok, its not always going to be this hard and hopefully in years to come things will be much better.

One thing helping me through is a great website called 'Hopelights'.. Its made for parents like me, with special needs kids that need some hope and some light in our day. For those days where we need some encouragement, need some strength to go on.

A few posts that have helped me lately:

I am a parent of a child with special needs. I try really hard sometimes not to let things get to me, its my job to be strong - its my job to lead. Some days though can pull me right in two, and the strong one here is not me at all.. It is you. What I have to cope with, is just a fraction of what you overcome. I am your biggest fan my dear, especially when my world feels like its come undone.

My life isn't glamorous and it is full of hard work everyday. I go weeks before I realise I need a break. But in the end, the gifts of joy I receive with just an inch of progress - are quite extraordinary and in these moments I know we can do anything.

Today I have 10,000 reasons to sit down and cry. But I will focus on the one reason I have to stand back up and keep going - the love I have for my children